Object Oriented

One the first page of my Web Site on sff.net, there are a couple of moving images, courtesy of Java applets. I yammer at length about the image manipulation part of the project in “Color Cycling with Java.”

As noted in the write-up, I undertook the color cycling project because of a long standing love for that particular effect in computer graphic art. It’s a simple trick; it can look spectacular; what’s not to like? Well, there is the part about how web browsers won’t do it without some sort of add-on, hence my Java applets.

What I don’t go into much is the Java part. Having the color cycling applets to point to allows me to claim some familiarity with Java, which is a useful thing for a technical writer these days. So there’s that. Moreover, Java is an Object-Oriented programming language. OOPLs used to be the flavor of the month; now they’re more like boilerplate. You have to claim familiarity in order to even interview for many jobs.

So let’s pause for a heavy sigh. (Sigh). I’ve complained many times about how the use of an ordinary word in a technical context can cause problems when the technical meaning differs significantly from ordinary usage. Jeez, does that apply to “object-oriented.”

Programming “objects” have nigh onto nothing to do with ordinary objects. They are programs! They do not have mass, weight, substance, color, physical dimensions, or persistence. Nor, for that matter, do they have anything to do with object code, the venerable term for a program that has been compiled into machine readable form.

What program “objects” have is “properties” and “methods.” For any old computer geezers such as myself, those translate to “data structures,” and “procedures.” But calling things by previously used names is so old-fashioned.

If that was all there was to it, then one might very well ask why bother, since there were already these perfectly reasonable programming structures called “sub-routines” and “modules.” Well sure, but there were a few new(ish) notions added to the mix: “inheritance” and “instantiation.” The former lets you create new “objects” based on old ones, with some modifications to the “encapsulated” data or the procedures that act on that data. The latter lets you fire off a bunch of similar program parts, each doing its own thing in the “multi-threaded environment” of the modern operating system.

See, this is just like taking your white hat and putting it into your matter duplicator, setting the dials to “blue” and “wings” so you have a new blue hat with wings. Then the blue hat can fly around and make fun of the poor wingless white hat.

That’s why they’re called “objects.” Because objects can do that sort of thing (snark).

Anyway, the idea was to use the object-oriented model to create re-usable program components that can be bolted together with minimal effort to create larger programs. This would have worked if it hadn’t been for those meddling kids and their stupid dog, I mean, if they had managed to get a variable typing system that was both consistent and comprehensible.

Unfortunately, the two major object-oriented languages, C++ and Java, based their variable typing conventions (as well as their syntax) on the C language, and that’s pretty much where the blue hat died and fluttered to the ground. C had so many exceptions and so much arcane weirdness in its variable typing that the whole thing was pretty much doomed from the start. It’s a simple fact that communication among “objects” can cause terrible headaches, because the variables they pass to each other get slippery.

Joke from the 1970s: C is Assembly Language in a clown suit.

Update to the 1990s: And C++ carries an Uzi.

Now realize, very little of this has anything to do with what someone is asking about when they ask you if you are “familiar with object-oriented programming principles.” What that translates to is, “Are you experienced with C++ and Java?”

I will say that the Object-Oriented project/marketing campaign succeeded brilliantly at making a lot more work for programmers. It also set the barriers to entry much higher and it resulted in the situation that programming now absolutely requires computerized programming tools. I wrote my Java applets more-or-less by hand, but I was hacking, just modifying previously written programs and sort of jamming them together. To do a similar project from scratch would have absolutely required a full bore Java programming tool set.

And it all would have been a lot easier to do in Pascal or even Fortran. But web browsers don’t support those, more’s the pity.